The Golden Lily Chapter 7

I SPENT MOST OF THE coterminous DAY wrestling with my refusal to help Sonya, ruminating everywhither the decision as I went from class to class. There was a part of me that mat bad right ab step up non crowing blood for the experiments. After every, I knew what they were doing was useful. If in that location was a take office to protect Moroi from becoming Strigoi, then that could theoretically be use to benevolents too. That could revolutionize the way the Alchemists operated. People same that creepy computerized axial tomography Liam being held at the bunker would no prospicienter be a threat. He could be sterilized and released, with no fear of him falling feast to the corruption of Strigoi. I knew also that Sonya and the few others were running into walls with their research. They couldnt find all think for what had make lee side impervious to turning Strigoi.At the same metre, disrespect the worthiness of the cause, I ease matte staunchly opposed to fine-looking up my own blood. I really was afraid that doing so would prevail over me to to a greater extent and to a greater extent experiments.And I just couldnt depend that. There was energy special well-nigh me. I hadnt underg whiz a massive transformation via spirit. Lee and I hadnt had anything in normal. I was the same as any other human, any other Alchemist. I just apparently had bad sense of taste blood, which was fine by me.Tell me ab away the charm spell, Ms. Ter go popiger express unrivalled after(prenominal)wardsnoon. It was a few days after Clarences, and I was hushed mulling over those crimsonts sluice eyepatch ostensibly doing work in her independent study.I looked up from the book in apparent motion of me. Which variant? The charisma one or the meta one?She was sitting at her desk and prosperousd at me. For person so once over against all of this, you certainly learn well. The meta one.That had been a recent spell Id had to learn. It was recen t in my take political machinee, unless I made sure to sigh severely and let her acknowledge in a passive aggressive way how inconvenient this was for me.It allows the heaveer to submit short-term control of someone. The caster has to establish a physical amulet that he or she wears I frowned as I considered that part of the spell. And then recite a short conjuring on the person being controlled. Ms. Terwilliger pushed her glasses up her nose. wherefore the wavering? She noticed every slip. I didnt requisite to engage in this, however she was my teacher, and this was part of my as mansion housement so long as I was stuck in this miserable sitting. It doesnt take on sense. Well, none of it makes sense, of course. besides logically, Id think you choose something plain to use on the vict subject. perhaps theyd switch to wear an amulet. Or sup something. Its hard for me to imagine the caster is the provided one who needs enhancement. I tumblel a same(p) they wou ld need to connect with the subject.You touched on the break word, she verbalise. Enhancement. The amulet enhances the spell casters will, as does the in crumbtation. If thats been done correctly and the caster is in advance(p) and strong liberal thatll push the authority of command on to the subject. possibly it doesnt seem tangible, and when the mind is a powerful tool.Power of command, I muttered. With tabu thinking just ab proscribed it, I made the Alchemist sign against evil. That doesnt seem right.Is it any divers(prenominal) from the figure of compulsion your vampire friends do? I froze. Ms. Terwilliger had long since admitted to knowing ab proscribed the world of Moroi and Strigoi, scarcely it was let off a head I avoided with her. My tattoos magic wouldnt stop me from discussing the vampire world with those who knew ab appear it, precisely I didnt regard to accidentally reveal any details ab fall out my specific mission with Jill. Nonetheless, her words we re startling.This spell was very a good mete out standardised compulsion, very much impartle what Id seen Sonya do to soothe Clarence. Vampires could simply treat it unaided. This spell required a physical component, only when Ms. Terwilliger had told me that was normal for humans. She give tongue to magic was inborn for Moroi besides that we had to wrest it from the world. To me, that just seemed equal more reason why humans had no work dabbling in much(prenominal) affairs.What they do isnt right either, I swear, in a rare cite of the Moroi with her. I didnt bid that the abilities I found so twisted and ill-treat were allegedly within human reach too. No one should afford that kind of power over another. Her lips quirked. Youre very haughty about something you feature no experience with.You dont always need experience. Ive neer killed anyone, but I know murder is wrong.Dont discount these spells. They could be a useful defense, she said with a shrug.Perhaps it d epends on whos using it much worry a gun or other weapon. I grimaced. I dont really ilk guns either.Then you may find magical means to be a better option. She made a small, graceful motion with her hands, and a clay pot on the wheelowsill on the spur of the moment exploded. Sharp fragments fell to the floor. I jumped out of my desk and dorsumed up a few feet. Was that something shed been able to do this unhurt time? It had seemed effortless. What kind of damage could she do if she really seek? She smiled. fall upon? Very efficient. Efficient and simple, as easy as a vampire wielding elemental magic with a thought. After all the pains victorious spells Id seen in these books, I was stunned to see such easy magic. It kicked what Ms. Terwilliger had been advocating up to a whole new and dangerous level.My whole body tensed as I waited for some other horrific act, but judging from the smooth look on her face, that was the only show of power she had in mind for now. Feelin g a minor foolish at my reaction, I sit bring stake down.I took a deep breath and chose my words carefully, care my anger and fear pushed down. It wouldnt do to fetch an outburst in front of a teacher. Maam, why do you keep doing this?Ms. Terwilliger tilted her head uniform a bird. Doing what, dear?This. I jabbed the book in front of me. wherefore do you keep making me work on this against my will? I hate this, and you know it. I dont want anything to do with it Why do you want me to learn it at all? What do you prolong out of it? Is at that place some witch club where you get a finders fee if you bring in a new recruit?That quirky smile of hers yielded. We prefer the term coven, not witch club. Though that does produce a prudish ring. that, to answer your question, I dont get anything out of it at least, not in the way youre thinking. My coven rotter always use strong members, and you assimilate the potential for greatness. Its bigger than that, however. Your per ennial competition is that its wrong for humans to overhear this kind of power, right?Right, I said through gritted teeth. Id made that argument a million times.Well, thats absolutely true for some humans. You worry this power will be abused?Youre right. It happens all the time, which is why we need good, moralistic people who can counter those who would use the magic for selfish and guilty reasons. The bell rang, freeing me. I stood up and gathered my things together. dreary, Ms. Terwilliger.Im flattered that you think Im such an upstanding person, but Im already caught up in one heroical battle of good versus evil. I dont need another. I left our session come uping both troubled and baseless and hoped the adjacent two months of this semester would rush by. If this Alchemist mission continued into adjoining year, then creative writing or some other elective would become a very possible choice for my schedule. It was a shame too because Id really loved Ms. Terwilliger w hen I first met her. She was brilliant and knew her subject area history, not magic and had back up me in that. If shed shown the same enthusiasm for teaching me history as she did magic, we wouldnt have ended up in this mess.My dinners were usually spent with Julia and Kristin or the family. tonight was a family night. I found Eddie and Angeline already at a panel when I entered Easts cafeteria, and as usual, he seemed grateful for my presence.Well, why not? Angeline was verbalism as I sat down with my tray. It was Chinese food night, and she held chopsticks, which seemed like a bad idea. Id tried to teach her how to use them once, with no luck. Shed gotten angry and stabbed an eggroll so hard that the sticks had broken.I just well, its not my thing, Eddie said, clearly search for an answer to whatever her question was about. Im not spillage at all. With anyone.Jill will be there with Micah, pointed out Angeline slyly. Wont you need to come keep an nerve center on her sinc e its not at the schooling?Eddies answer was a trouble look.What are you let outing about? I finally asked.The Halloween Dance, said Angeline.That was word of honor to me. Theres a Halloween Dance?Eddie dragged himself from his misery to give me a surprised look. How do you not know? There are signs everywhere.I stirred near my steamed vegetables. They must not be anywhere Ive been. Eddie gestured with his fork to something hindquarters me. Turning, I looked back toward the food line Id just been in. There, hanging higher up it on the wall, was an enormous banner that read HALLOWEEN DANCE. It listed the date and time and was adorn with badly tie beamn pumpkins.Huh, I said.How can you memorize entire books but miss something like that? asked Angeline.Because Sydneys brain only records useful information, Eddie said with a smile. I didnt deny it.Dont you think Eddie should go? pushed Angeline. He needs to fancy out for Jill. And if he goes, we cleverness as well go together. Eddie shot me a desperate look, and I tried to find him a way out of this. Well, yeah, of course hell go especially if its off-site. The banner summoned some venue Id never heard of. Wed seen no sign of the Moroi who were after Jill, but an unknown tail presented new dangers. Inspiration hit. But thats the thing. Hell be on-duty. Hell spend the whole time checking the place out, watching for mysterious people. Itd be a waste for him to, uh, go with you. You probably wouldnt have much fun. Better to go with someone else.But I should be protecting Jill too, she argued. Isnt that why Im here? I need to learn what to do.Well, yeah, he said, obviously trapped by her logic. Youll have to go with me in order to look after her.Angeline brightened. Really? Then we can go together Eddies look of pain returned. No. Were press release together. not together. Angeline didnt seem to be fazed by the nuances. Ive never been to a jump, she admitted.Well, I mean, back home, we have them all the t ime. But I dont think theyll be like the ones here.That I agreed with. Id seen the types of amicable levelts the Keepers had. They involved raucous music and dancing around bonfires, along with some kind of toxic homespun alcohol that probably even Adrian wouldnt touch. The Keepers also didnt think a social event was a success if at least one controvert didnt break out. It was actually kind of awed that Angeline hadnt gotten into one yet here at Amberwood. I should have counted myself lucky that her only transgressions were dress scratch violations and talk back to teachers.Probably not, I said neutrally. I dont know. Ive never been to a dance either.Youre going to this one, arent you? asked Eddie. With Brody?Brayden. And I dont know. We havent even had our second date. I dont want things to move too fast.Right, Eddie said. Because theres no bigger sign of committal than a Halloween dance.I was about to get him back by suggesting maybe he and Angeline should go together a fter all when Jill and Micah joined us. both(prenominal) were laughing and had a hard time settling down to relieve what was so funny.Janna Hall finished a mens suit in sewing club tonight, said Jill between giggles. Once again, I felt a rush of joy at seeing her so happy. little girlfriend Yamani said its the only qats outfit shes seen in there in quintuple days. Of course, Janna needed a model, and theres only one guy in thereMicah attempted a tormented look but was quickly smiling again. Yeah, yeah. I did the manly thing and stepped up. That suit was awful.Aw, said Jill. It wasnt that awful okay, it really was. Janna didnt try to go by any sizing guidelines, so the gasp were huge. Like, tents. And since she didnt make any belt loops, he had to hold it all up with a sash.Which barely held when they made me do a runway walk, said Micah, shaking his head.Jill gave him a playful nudge. Everyone probably wouldve loved if it hadnt held.Remind me to never ever sign up for an al l-girls club again, said Micah. close semester, Im taking something like wander or karate.You wont do it again? Not even for me? Jill managed a look that was amazingly both pouty and alluring. That, I realized, was more useful than any charm spell or compulsion.Micah groaned. Im helpless.I didnt consider myself curiously sentimental and still disapproved of their timid romance but even I smiled at their antics. At least, I did until I caught sight of Eddies face. He wasnt giving away much, to be fair. perchance hanging around Dimitri had provided some tips on the guardian poker face. But Eddie wasnt Dimitri yet, and I could see the faintest signs of pain and longing.Why did he do this to himself? Hed refused to tell Jill how he felt. He took the noble spot that he was her protector and nothing more. Some part of me could understand that.What I couldnt understand was why he kept torturing himself by endorsing her going out with his roommate, of all people. Even with his hang-u p over Micah and Mason, Eddie was forcing himself to constantly watch the girl he wanted with someone else. I had no relatable experience, but it had to be agonizing.Eddie caught my eye and gave a small shake of his head. Let it go, he seemed to be saying.Dont worry about me. Ill be fine.Angeline soon piped in with more talk about the dance, interrogating Jill and Micah about whether theyd be going. She also brought up her plans to go with Eddie. That pulled him out of his melancholy mood, and although I knew she annoyed him, I wondered if that was better than continually being tormented by Jill and Micahs relationship.Of course, the conversation came to a halt as did Eddies problem when Micah frowned and pointed out what the rest of us had missed. Why would you go to the dance together?Arent you guys cousins?Eddie, Jill, and I froze. Another cover story mess-up. I couldnt believe this had now slipped past me twice. I should have mentioned this as soon as Angeline brought up the d ance. In the schools eyeball, we were all related.So? asked Angeline, missing the point.Eddie cleared his throat. Um, terce cousins. But still. Were not really going together. Its more of a joke.That effectively killed the topic, and he couldnt help smiling triumphantly.Brayden picked me up immediately after school the next day so that we could make the windmill tour on time. Ms. Terwilliger had even let me go a few minutes early, after promising Id get her a cappuccino on our way back to Amberwood. I was excited to see Brayden and the tour, yet as I got into his car, I felt a brief pang of doubt. Did I have any business doing these sorts of fun, personal activities? Especially now that the cover story had slipped a braces of times. Maybe I was spending too much time on me and not enough on the mission.Brayden had lots to tell me about the conceive competition hed attended over the weekend.We analyzed some of the more difficult topics hed come across and laughed at the easy on es that had stumped the opposing team. Id feared dating for years but was again pleasantly surprised at how easy it was to talk to him. It was a lot like the Shakespearean outing an endless seed of topics that we both knew lots about. It was the rest of the experience that still left me unsettle the date stuff. The dating books Id read since our last outing mostly advise on when to have sex, which was completely useless since I had yet to witness out attribute hands.The giant windmills were pretty impressive. They didnt have the sleek dish aerial of cars that I loved, but I felt the same awe at the engineering they represented. Some of the windmills were over a hundred feet tall, with blades half the size of a football field. Moments like these made me marvel at human ingenuity. Who needed magic when we could create these kinds of wonders?Our tour guide was a gay girl in her mid-twenties who clearly loved her job and all that wind energy represented. She knew all sorts of tr ivia about it but not quite enough to satisfy Brayden.How do you address the energy inefficiency that comes from the turbines needing wind speeds that fall into such a narrow range?Then Whats your repartee to studies showing that simply improving the filters in the conversion of fossil fuels would essence in less carbon dioxide emissions than this sort of energy production?And afterward Can wind power really be treated as a viable option when after considering the cost of construction and other maintenance consumers end up paying more than they would for traditional forms of electrical energy?I couldnt be certain, but I think our guide absorbed up the tour early. She encouraged some of the other tourists to come back anytime but said nothing as Brayden and I walked past her.That char was sadly uninformed, he told me, once we were back on the highway.She knew plenty about the windmills and their facility, I pointed out. Im regarding the latest controversies just dont get bro ught up much on these tours. Or, I paused, smiling, how to deal with, um, forceful tourists.I was forceful? he asked, seeming legitimately surprised. He had gotten so caught up in his ideas that he didnt even realize it. It was endearing.I tried not to laugh. You came on strong, thats all. I dont think they were prepared for someone like you.They should be. Wind powers got promise, true, but for now, there are all sorts of expenses and efficiency problems that need to be addressed. Its useless otherwise. I sat there for several moments, trying to decide how best I should respond. None of the advice Id gotten from the books or my friends really prepared me for how to handle discussions about preference energy sources. One of the books one Id chosen not to finish had a decidedly male-centric view that said women should always make men feel important on dates. I suspected that Kristin and Julias advice right now would have been to laugh and toss my hair and not let the discussion p rogress.But I just couldnt do that.Youre wrong, I said.Brayden who was a big counselor-at-law of safe driving actually took his eyes off the road for a few seconds to stare at me. What did you say?Aside from learning that he had a vast store of extensive and random knowledge like I did, Id also picked up on something else central to Braydens personality. He didnt like to be wrong. This was no surprise. I didnt either, and we had a lot in common that way. And, from the way hed discussed school and even his debate competition, Id also deduced people never told him he was wrong even if by chance he was.Maybe it wasnt too late to do the hair-tossing thing. Instead, I just rushed on.Youre wrong. Maybe wind isnt as efficient as it could be, but the fact that its even being developed is a vast improvement over the outdated, out of date energy sources our societys been dependent on. Expecting it to be as cost-efficient as something thats been around much, much longer is naive.But We ca nt deny that the cost is worth the benefits. climate change is increasingly becoming a problem, and winds reduced carbon dioxide emissions could have a significant impact.Furthermore and most importantly wind is renewable. It doesnt consider if other sources are cheap if theyre going to run out on us.But We need to be progressive and look towards whats going to make unnecessary us later. To focus strictly on whats cost-efficient now while ignoring the consequences is short-sighted and will ultimately lead to the downfall of the human race. Those who think otherwise are only perpetuating the problem, unless they can come up with other solutions. near dont. They just complain. Thats why youre wrong.I paused to catch my breath and then dared a glance at Brayden. He was watching the road, but his eyes were impossibly wide. I dont think he could have been more shocked if Id slapped him. Immediately, I berated myself for what Id said. Sydney, why didnt you just bat your eyelashes ?Brayden? I asked tentatively when almost a minute passed with no response. More stunned silence met me.Suddenly, without warning, he pulled the car sharply off the highway and onto the shoulder. Dust and gravel kicked up around us. In that moment, I was absolutely certain he was going to regard I get out and walk back to treat Springs. And we were still miles from the city.Instead, he caught hold of my hands and leaned toward me. You, he said breathlessly.Are amazing. Absolutely, positively, alright amazing. And then he kissed me.I was so surprised, I couldnt even move. My aflame state raced, but it was more from anxiety than anything else. Was I doing it right? I tried to relax into the kiss, letting my lips part slightly, but my body stayed rigid. Brayden didnt pull back in revulsion, so that was a good sign. Id never kissed anyone before and had been disturbing a lot about what itd be like. The mechanics of it turned out not to be so difficult. When he did finally pull awa y, he was smiling.A good sign, I guessed. I smiled back tentatively because I knew it was expected. Honestly, a secret part of me was a little disappointed. That was it? Thats what the big deal was? It hadnt been terrible, but it hadnt sent me soaring to new heights either. It had been exactly what it seemed like, lips on lips.With a great sigh of happiness, he turned and began driving again. I could only watch him with wonder and confusion, unable to form any response. What had just happened? That was my first kiss?Spencers, right? Brayden asked when we exited to downtown shortly thereafter.I was still so baffled by the kiss that it took me a moment to consider Id promised Ms.Terwilliger a cappuccino. Right.Just before we turned the corner toward the street Spencers was on, Brayden suddenly made an unexpected stop at a florist shop. Be right back, he said.I nodded wordlessly, and five minutes later, he returned and transfer me a large bouquet of delicate, pale pink roses. Thank y ou? I said, making it more of a question. Now, in addition to the kiss and amazing declaration, Id somehow earned flowers too.Theyre not adequate, he admitted. In traditional flowered symbolism, orange or red would have been more appropriate. But it was either these or some lavender ones, and you just dont seem like a purple person.Thank you, I said, more firmly this time. As I breathed in the roses sweet scent on the way to Spencers, I realized that no one had ever given me flowers before.We reached the coffee berry shop soon thereafter. I got out of the car, and in a flash, Brayden was right by my side so that he could shut the doorstep for me. We went inside, and I was almost relieved to see Trey working. His teasing would be a nice return to normality, seeing as my life had just detoured into Crazyland.Trey didnt even notice us at first. He was speaking intently to someone on the other side of the counter, a guy a little older than us. The guys tanned skin, black hair, and si milar facial features tipped me off pretty quickly that he and Trey were related. Brayden and I waited discreetly posterior the guy, and Trey finally looked up, an astonishingly grim expression on his face that was pretty out of character. He looked surprised when he saw us, but then seemed to relax a little.Melbourne, Cartwright. Here for a little post-windmill caffeine?You know I never drink caffeine after four, said Brayden. But Sydney needs something for her teacher.Ah, said Trey. The usual for you and Ms. T?Yeah, but make mine iced this time.Trey gave me a knowing look. Need to cool down a little, huh? I rolled my eyes.The guy ahead of us was still standing around, and Trey nodded toward him while grabbing two cups. This is my cousin Chris. Chris, this is Sydney and Brayden. This must have been Treys perfect cousin. At a glance, I saw little that label him as better than Trey, except maybe his height. Chris was pretty tall. Not Dimitri-tall, but still tall.Otherwise, they bot h had similar good looks and an athletic build. Chris even had some of the same bruises and scrapes Trey often sported, making me wonder if there was a family connection to sports as well. Regardless, Chris hardly seemed like anyone Trey should be fright by, but then, I was sloped by our friendship.Where are you here from? I asked.San Francisco, said Chris.How long are you in town? asked Brayden.Chris gave Brayden a leery look. Why do you want to know? Brayden looked surprised, and I didnt blame him. forrader either of us could figure out the next move in the small-talk handbook, Trey hurried back over. Relax, C. Theyre just being nice. Its not like they work for some spy agency.Well, Brayden didnt.Sorry, said Chris, not actually sound that sorry. That was a difference between the cousins, I realized. Trey wouldve laughed off his mistake. He never actually would have made the mistake. There were definitely different levels of friendliness in this family. A couple weeks.Neither Brayden nor I dared say anything after that, and mercifully, Chris chose that opportunity to leave, with a promise to call Trey later. When he was gone, Trey shook his head apologetically and set the completed coffees on the counter. I reached for my wallet, but Brayden waved me away and paid.Trey handed Brayden back his change. Next weeks schedules already up.It is? Brayden glanced over at me. Mind if I go in the back room for a second? Figuratively, of course.Go ahead, I said. As soon as he was gone, I turned frantically to Trey. I need your help. Treys eyebrows rose. Words I never thought Id hear from you. That made two of us, but I was at a loss, and Trey was my only source of help right now.Brayden got me flowers, I declared. I wasnt going to mention the kiss.And?And, whyd he do it?Because he likes you, Melbourne. Thats what guys do. They buy dinner and gifts, hoping that in return youll um, like them back.But I argued with him, I hissed, glancing anxiously at the door Brayden had gone through. Like, just before he got me the flowers, I gave him this big jaw about how he was wrong about alternative sources of energy.Wait, wait, said Trey. You told you told Brayden Cartwright he was wrong? I nodded. So whyd he react like he did?Trey laughed, a big, full laugh that I was certain would draw Brayden back. People dont tell him hes wrong.Yeah, I figured.And girls especially dont tell him hes wrong. Youre probably the only girl whos ever done it. Youre probably the only girl irreverent enough to do it. I was getting impatient. I get that. So why the flowers? Why the compliments? Trey shook his head and looked like he was about to start laughing again. Melbourne, if you dont know, then Im not going to tell you.I was too worried about Brayden returning to signalise further on Treys useless advice. Instead, I said, Is Chris the perfect cousin you were talking about? Treys smirk faded. Thats the one. Anything I can do, he can do better. I immediately regretted a sking. Trey, like Adrian, was one of those people I didnt like seeing troubled. Well. He didnt seem so perfect to me. Probably Im biased from being around you all the time. You set the standard for perfection. That brought Treys smile back. Sorry about his attitude. Hes always been like that. Not the most charming get-go of the Juarez family tree. Thats me, of course.Of course, I agreed.He was still smiling when Brayden returned, but when I cast a glance backward as I was leaving the coffee shop, Treys expression had darkened again. His thoughts were turned inward, and I wished I knew how to help.On the ask back to Amberwood, Brayden said shyly, Well. Now I know my schedule for the next two weeks.Thats good, I said.He hesitated. So I know when I can go out again. If, that is, I mean. If you want to go out again.That wouldve surprised me, if I wasnt already stumped by everything else that had happened today. Brayden wanted to go out with me again? Why? Girls especially dont tell hi m hes wrong. Youre probably the only girl whos ever done it. Youre probably the only girl smart enough to do it. More importantly, did I want to go out with him again? I glanced over at him and then down at the roses. I thought about his eyes when hed gazed at me in the stopped car. I realized then the odds of me ever finding a guy who thought Shakespeare and wind farms were fun were pretty infinitesimal.Okay, I said.His narrowed his eyes in thought. Isnt there some kind of dance your schools having?Do you want to go to that? People go to those, right?Thats what I keep hearing. Howd you know about it?The sign, he said. Then, as if on cue, he pulled into the driveway in front of my dorm.Hanging over the main door was a sign decorated with cobwebs and bats. GET YOURSCARE ON AT THE HALLOWEEN DANCE.Oh, I said. That sign. Eddie was right. I really did have selective data storage. I guess we can go. If you want to.Sure. I mean, if you want to.Silence. We both laughed.Well, then, I said. I guess were going.Brayden leaned toward me, and I panicked until I saw that he was trying to get a better look at the sign. A week and a half away.Enough time to get costumes, I suppose.I suppose. AlthoughAnd thats when the next crazy thing happened. He held my hand.I admit, I hadnt been expecting much, especially after my mixed reaction to the roadside kiss. Still, as he laid his hand over mine, I was surprised to feel that it was again just likewell, like touching someones hand. Id at least thought there might be goose bumps or a little heart fluttering. My biggest emotional reaction was worry over what to do with my hand. Lace fingers? Squeeze his hand back?Id like to go out sooner, he said. That hesitancy returned. If you want to. I looked down at our hands and tried to figure out how I felt. He had nice hands. Smooth, warm. I could get used to holding those hands. And of course, he smelled like coffee. Was that enough to build love on? Again, that hesitation nagged me. What ri ght did I have to any of this? I wasnt in Palm Springs for my own entertainment. There was no me in Alchemy.Well, phonetically there was, but that wasnt the point. I knew my superiors wouldnt approve of any of this.And yet, when would I get this chance again? When would I ever get flowers? When would someone look at me with this kind of fervor? I decided to take the plunge.Sure, I said. Lets go out again.